About 8 Years Ago
“Some days you see the light at the end of the tunnel, but unfortunately, it’s just a train.” A very good friend of mine said that to me one night on the phone. Sometimes, she could see the future.
“Well, it is official.” Sayeth middle sister at work one day.
“What is official?”
“I am two months pregnant!”
“Oh that is great! I am so happy for you.” I mumbled from cold lips.
“You don’t look happy.” And she was right. I immediately found a calendar and began to count even though; I knew the numbers were definitely not adding up.
“What are you doing?” She asks innocently.
“It’s the end of August and I haven’t had a period since before I left Cuernavaca.”
“It’s probably just stress. Go take a test and confirm it so you can stop stressing.” She says in that do not steal my thunder tone only a sister can get. I take her advice and head to the local woman’s clinic so that there are no mistakes.
There is no mistake, I am pregnant. The tears started as I drove blindly to see my mom. I walked into her school and straight into her class thankfully as the bell rang with eyes red, snot running and speech incoherent. She thought somebody had died and in truth someone had. I did not want any more children. Why would I? I barely knew how to take care of the growing ones I had.
“Rachel, what’s wrong?”
“Mom, I, I, I, I am pregnant.”
Her shock was not well hidden and then as only my mom could say, “What were you thinking when you made out this life plan? Three kids?”
“I don’t know Mom, I just don’t know.”
Well, my plans did not really change other than I now had to plan for a third baby. I was still going to school and working part time. I had worked full time with both girls, so why not, right? This time seemed different though. I was tired, very tired, more tired than I ever remembered with my previous pregnancies and I was gaining weight fast. When I went to my first check up with the doc, he suggested we do the sonogram a little early just to make sure everything was OK. I agreed, plus, I am a sonogram junkie! I love to be able to see and know what is going on in there. We will not discuss how that factors into my control freak issues at this time.
Sonogram begins. Sonographer makes weird face and I say, “Is everything OK?”
“Oh, what?” She says distractedly.
“Is everything OK?” I repeat.
“Oh sure honey, you are just the third set of twins I have done this week.”
Heart failure is a pretty accurate description of my reaction to that tidbit.
Congratulations! You’re pregnant, with twins!
TRAIN!!
NO, twins do not run in my family to answer that question.
In October 2005, I discovered not only was I pregnant for the 3rd time, but I was pregnant with twins. Two boys due in mid April 2006 if I went the whole 42 weeks. Although, that was not expected. I struck a deal with my professors to basically let me take my finals early, so that I could graduate on time. All was going great even though my waist was expanding at an exponential rate. (They had to bring in special desks for me.) I had registered for the spring and final college semester. I was healthy, the boys were healthy and well, “HALLELUYAH! I can see the light!”
“Mrs. Nolan I need to talk to you about your plans to attend university in the spring.” Sayeth Dr. Ob-Gyn.
“Ok, what do we need to talk about?”
“Well after January 1st, you’ll have weekly doctor visits and sonograms and I am going to restrict your driving to just appointments.”
“But I am this close; it’s been 6 years since I started this road.”
“Ok, Mrs. Nolan, let me put it this way. If you try to attend university in the spring, I will put you in the hospital at 28 weeks and leave you there until you deliver. Great, have a nice day.” He grins and exits.
TRAIN!!
Since I had delivered my girls by c-section, the boys would be as well. I found myself at home excruciatingly pregnant with a soon to be five year old and an active 9 year old. I had always worked from the time I was 16 to present (or that present). I had no idea what to do with myself. What did stay at home moms do with their time exactly? I was not crafty nor did I yearn to be and after all those years of working, I could do a 3 course meal in 20 minutes. Then there were new issues? Like we lived in a miniature, minuscule, minute trailer. (Yep single wide). The girls shared one of the two tiny bedrooms. Where exactly was I supposed to put my new babies and said paraphernalia? (Dresser drawers did actually cross my mind.)
It gave me something to do, a purpose again. My hunt was exhaustive (probably because I couldn’t breathe do to an elbow under my ribs and I had to pee every 5 minutes due to a knee to the bladder). We ended up moving into a 3 bedroom rent house across the street from our miniature trailer.
On March 27, 2006, (40 weeks, thank you very much! I don’t have little babies), I went into labor and on the morning of March 28th, 6 lbs 8 oz and 6 lbs 13 oz of beautiful baby boy were brought into this world. Three days later I brought them home.
Present day
I am not pregnant again and I now live in a quaint 4 bedroom on my own little piece of heaven, but 3 weeks ago, another little boy came to live with us. He is 3 years old and too cute about covers it, but I had forgotten how such a small thing can make such a large impact on ones life. I had become comfortable in my routine. We were a unit, my kids and I. Everyone knew how everyone else worked, who was a morning person and who was not. If I needed to mow, I could just head out. The kids were old enough that I did not have to watch them every minute of every day. They had their TV shows and I had mine. Table etiquette was taught long ago so reminders of, "Chew with your mouth closed", "Put your plate in the sink", and "Use a fork", hadn't been part of my vocabulary for some time.
My boys haven't been babies for a long time, but they were still my babies and I still saw them as such. With the addition of our newest, I was forced to realize what cool little people were right beside me. They aren't babies anymore. They are growing boys with these beautiful minds and creative souls and they are huge! They stand next to the 3 year old and I see how big. They tower over him and I can see what beautiful men they will become. I by no means want them to grow up any faster, but I have started to see glimmers like the sun through the leaves of what their future holds. Soon, they will tower over me. Soon, they will leave the nest. I have also been forced to realize that my oldest is not only growing, but is practically grown. College applications and scholarship applications, class rings and class rankings along with plans for next year's senior trip, monopolize our conversations. She's trying to decide what she wants to go to college for and what college and I am left to miss my little girl who sometimes took better care of me than I did of her. She is so beautiful that I want to wrap her up and hide her from the evils of the world so that they can not ever hurt her. My middle daughter as well seems to have changed overnight. I remember having to constantly remind her about school reports and homework assignments. Don't forget your dance clothes or where's your ID badge for school, but no longer. Now she's reminding me of things due for school and what days she has dance. She had always been my shortest child and now she almost looks me in the eye. I received a letter saying that she had been inducted into the National Junior Art Honor Society and that her work would be shown at the fair. When did that happen that her art went from the refrigerator to a frame in an art hall?
Our newest addition has added some spice to my life as I now remember that 3 year olds don't sleep late on Saturday morning and they don't sit and watch cartoons while Mommy has her coffee. They make a mess without even trying while eating dinner and they can find something bad to put in their mouth in about 3 seconds that you didn't even know was there. Yes, he drives me crazy because he upset our routine, but he also opened my eyes to some pretty awesome stuff. The feel of a small hand clasped in yours as you walk him into school. The smile that awaits you when you pick them up. The utter helplessness you have against falling in love when he says, "You came back to get me." I don't know how long I'll have him in my life for he may be going back but while he's here I will love him and if he leaves I will treasure the knowledge that he has brought me. Our children are with us a short time before they change and grow and leave our homes. Whether it be by birth that they came to me our by chance, they have brought me countless joys and countless stories that will never fade.
I have a box under my bed filled with pictures. Over the years the box has grown larger as the collection of pictures has and every once in a while I get it out and see those smiling faces as the years have passed. Soon I will add another year of school plays, art collections and those horrible school pictures, but more importantly, I will add the memories that each of those will represent. This year I think the new face that I will add will always be a reminder that small hands are precious no matter how large they may become and that my blessings will forever be my blessings no matter how far from home they may roam.
“What is official?”
“I am two months pregnant!”
“Oh that is great! I am so happy for you.” I mumbled from cold lips.
“You don’t look happy.” And she was right. I immediately found a calendar and began to count even though; I knew the numbers were definitely not adding up.
“What are you doing?” She asks innocently.
“It’s the end of August and I haven’t had a period since before I left Cuernavaca.”
“It’s probably just stress. Go take a test and confirm it so you can stop stressing.” She says in that do not steal my thunder tone only a sister can get. I take her advice and head to the local woman’s clinic so that there are no mistakes.
There is no mistake, I am pregnant. The tears started as I drove blindly to see my mom. I walked into her school and straight into her class thankfully as the bell rang with eyes red, snot running and speech incoherent. She thought somebody had died and in truth someone had. I did not want any more children. Why would I? I barely knew how to take care of the growing ones I had.
“Rachel, what’s wrong?”
“Mom, I, I, I, I am pregnant.”
Her shock was not well hidden and then as only my mom could say, “What were you thinking when you made out this life plan? Three kids?”
“I don’t know Mom, I just don’t know.”
“Oh, what?” She says distractedly.
“Is everything OK?” I repeat.
“Oh sure honey, you are just the third set of twins I have done this week.”
Heart failure is a pretty accurate description of my reaction to that tidbit.
The official version is that when I ovulated that month, my body produced two eggs that were both fertilized, which by the way is the rarest form of twins other than Siamese. Little did I know though, the birth of my twin boys would begin a new path for me, a new life, a new beginning, pick a corny cliché and insert here.
“Ok, what do we need to talk about?”
“Well after January 1st, you’ll have weekly doctor visits and sonograms and I am going to restrict your driving to just appointments.”
“But I am this close; it’s been 6 years since I started this road.”
“Ok, Mrs. Nolan, let me put it this way. If you try to attend university in the spring, I will put you in the hospital at 28 weeks and leave you there until you deliver. Great, have a nice day.” He grins and exits.
Present day
I am not pregnant again and I now live in a quaint 4 bedroom on my own little piece of heaven, but 3 weeks ago, another little boy came to live with us. He is 3 years old and too cute about covers it, but I had forgotten how such a small thing can make such a large impact on ones life. I had become comfortable in my routine. We were a unit, my kids and I. Everyone knew how everyone else worked, who was a morning person and who was not. If I needed to mow, I could just head out. The kids were old enough that I did not have to watch them every minute of every day. They had their TV shows and I had mine. Table etiquette was taught long ago so reminders of, "Chew with your mouth closed", "Put your plate in the sink", and "Use a fork", hadn't been part of my vocabulary for some time.
My boys haven't been babies for a long time, but they were still my babies and I still saw them as such. With the addition of our newest, I was forced to realize what cool little people were right beside me. They aren't babies anymore. They are growing boys with these beautiful minds and creative souls and they are huge! They stand next to the 3 year old and I see how big. They tower over him and I can see what beautiful men they will become. I by no means want them to grow up any faster, but I have started to see glimmers like the sun through the leaves of what their future holds. Soon, they will tower over me. Soon, they will leave the nest. I have also been forced to realize that my oldest is not only growing, but is practically grown. College applications and scholarship applications, class rings and class rankings along with plans for next year's senior trip, monopolize our conversations. She's trying to decide what she wants to go to college for and what college and I am left to miss my little girl who sometimes took better care of me than I did of her. She is so beautiful that I want to wrap her up and hide her from the evils of the world so that they can not ever hurt her. My middle daughter as well seems to have changed overnight. I remember having to constantly remind her about school reports and homework assignments. Don't forget your dance clothes or where's your ID badge for school, but no longer. Now she's reminding me of things due for school and what days she has dance. She had always been my shortest child and now she almost looks me in the eye. I received a letter saying that she had been inducted into the National Junior Art Honor Society and that her work would be shown at the fair. When did that happen that her art went from the refrigerator to a frame in an art hall?
Our newest addition has added some spice to my life as I now remember that 3 year olds don't sleep late on Saturday morning and they don't sit and watch cartoons while Mommy has her coffee. They make a mess without even trying while eating dinner and they can find something bad to put in their mouth in about 3 seconds that you didn't even know was there. Yes, he drives me crazy because he upset our routine, but he also opened my eyes to some pretty awesome stuff. The feel of a small hand clasped in yours as you walk him into school. The smile that awaits you when you pick them up. The utter helplessness you have against falling in love when he says, "You came back to get me." I don't know how long I'll have him in my life for he may be going back but while he's here I will love him and if he leaves I will treasure the knowledge that he has brought me. Our children are with us a short time before they change and grow and leave our homes. Whether it be by birth that they came to me our by chance, they have brought me countless joys and countless stories that will never fade.
I have a box under my bed filled with pictures. Over the years the box has grown larger as the collection of pictures has and every once in a while I get it out and see those smiling faces as the years have passed. Soon I will add another year of school plays, art collections and those horrible school pictures, but more importantly, I will add the memories that each of those will represent. This year I think the new face that I will add will always be a reminder that small hands are precious no matter how large they may become and that my blessings will forever be my blessings no matter how far from home they may roam.
