Outliers

I have struggled this week to find a consistent topic.  So many thoughts to try and reign in and find a pattern.  As an Algebra fan, my analytical brain craves patterns. When those patterns elude me, the thoughts seem to just run amok, chaos.  Random characters are chosen and connected to others in hopes that a pattern will emerge.  Like some kind of cypher that if I just keep trying to find the key code it will all make sense.  Sleep has been a missed friend this week.  I have tried working in the yard to the point of exhaustion in hopes I'll be able to welcome him back.  Even still, I awoke at 4 am and followed along with a power yoga class on TV.

I am sure that in part my whirling thoughts are due to my return to the classroom.  The nervous yet excited jitters all teachers feel.  The lists of things I need to do jumbled with the knowledge that inservice next week will add many items to my list.  Do I have all my supplies?  Do my kids have all their supplies?  Oh yeah, meet the teacher night at their schools and mine, is the laundry done, probably should mow before I go back, better clean the bathroom, do I have back to school dinners?  Oh wait, we have to pick up Leslie's schedule before the others and Lily's dance uniforms need to be ordered.  Do I make that first day video now or wait till I have those new pics from inservice?  Does Mrs. Magee need any help with the mentees and is my mentee feeling welcome?

I could go on and I'm sure many of you have the same day to day to do list that runs in your head, but I also have quiet moments where everything seems to slow down.  I feel the cool breeze that has blessed our Texas mornings.  The half moon that lit up my lawn like a night light that doesn't charge my electric bill.  The stars at 4 am are the most clear and I simply stare and wonder.

One moment will stay with me.  My oldest and I were running errands, orthodontist appointment, prescription pick up, pay a bill or two and we stopped for drinks.  The gas station was crowded and so we parked in an odd spot out back.  I noticed two men sitting on the edge of the lot, their bikes beside them under the small spot of shade the odd tree provided.  I had seen them before around town and as before, a small pack of dogs sat in the shade with them.  Their constant companions despite the heat.  I stood outside and smoked while my oldest ran in, "Get two extra bottles of water, OK?"
          "OK, why?"
          "For the dogs." My Leslie glanced over, noticed the group and shrugged.  No hesitation, no second questions, just acceptance.  She humbles me often with her sharp wit, quiet nature and unflagging willingness to help others, whether it be tutoring after school or making lunch for her brothers.  She just shrugs and goes about her day.  Kindness is simply her nature.

She comes out of the store and I expect her to bring me the water to take over but instead she walks up to the gentlemen, hands them the water and says, "For the dogs." She then walks over to the car and gets in, having simply nodded at his thanks.  I watch as the man pulls a plastic bag over and makes a bowl.  Without so much as a drink for himself, he begins to pour the water.  The dogs calmly begin to drink without a sound.  As I put out my cigarette, he looks up.  He places a closed fist over his heart, closes his eyes and gives me a nod.  I believe it was one of the most poignant thank yous of my life.  Without words, I felt his appreciation and again I was humbled by such a simple gesture.



Then the whirlwind begins again.  Don't forget to water the garden, feed the animals, four legged and two.  I wonder if Wal-Greens has the shots Lily needs before 7th grade, nothing like the last minute.  When does Leslie need that white shirt for band?  I wonder when and if Boy Scouts will start up again?  Crap, I forgot to turn off the sprinkler.  Probably should grab the last of the figs before they waste.

The speed at which my mind turns scares me.  How will I possibly get it all done?  Just when I think I'll scream for it has begun to be too much, I feel a cool breeze, see the clear stars of early morning and remember a fist over the heart.  Yes, time travels at the speed of light as do my thoughts, but sometimes, the whirring stops, sounds fade and a stillness sets in, a calm.  Those moments are the ones.  So instead of trying to find my pattern, this time, I found the outlier, that random point in a data set that throws off the line of fit and saw it not as something to be thrown out, so the function can be found, but as a moment all its own, where I can stop the chaos and be calm.

Now, what am I going to wear tomorrow? If I wear the pink dress, what shoes? Etc, etc, etc!